Deep listening
A practical toolkit for Welcomers who are looking to foster belonging, build trust, bridge divides, and create meaningful relationships.
Building bridges through meaningful conversations
Deep listening is more than just hearing the words in a conversation. It’s a practice of giving another person your full, undivided attention to create space for their words and respond with empathy. When we learn to listen deeply, we can build trust, foster community, and become more aware of our shared humanity with others.
5 steps of deep listening
1. Create a safe space
Help your conversation partner feel safe and unhurried. Offer them a judgment-free and inclusive environment, both physically and emotionally.
Try listening without interrupting. “Take your time—I’m here to listen, not judge.”
Avoid jumping in with criticism, advice, or assumptions. “You’re overreacting, that doesn’t make sense.”
2. Recognize your assumptions and biases
Before you engage, listen to yourself first. Treat listening like an intentional practice, and reflect on how your biases impact how you take in information. How do you handle information that conflicts with your assumptions?
Try checking your own bias and inviting others’ perspectives. “I want to make sure I’m not assuming—can you help me understand your perspective?”
Avoid making generalizations. “People like you always…”
3. Be present
Set aside distractions to focus fully on the person in front of you. Through your body language, show attentiveness to what the other person is saying. Use warm eye contact, nods, and affirming body language to show your attention, and don’t be afraid to pause or sit in silence when emotions get difficult.
Try welcoming silence and emotion. “It’s ok, take your time. I’m listening.”
Avoid assuming silence means disengagement. “Are we done? Let’s move on.”
4. Be curious
Ask open-ended questions about experiences, traditions, and perspectives. Seek understanding of what gives the person you’re talking to meaning or drive. How does it feel to listen with curiosity instead of judgment?
Try asking open-ended questions. “What did that feel like for you?”
Avoid steering the conversation back to you too quickly. “Oh, I get it. This is what happened to me…”
5. Reflect back
Summarize and affirm what you’ve heard. Paraphrasing confirms that you are listening and finding meaning in this conversation. When did you feel most connected to the other person’s story?
Try reflecting back on what you’ve heard. “It sounds like what’s really important to you is…”
Avoid rushing to “solve” someone’s story. “Here’s what you need to do…”
Deep listening is a powerful tool whether we are creating a sense of belonging with newcomers or finding commonality with those who hold different views than our own.
When can deep listening be helpful?
When talking with newcomers to create a sense of safety and belonging.
When working with volunteers to build trust and strengthen collaboration.
When facilitating group discussions to honor diverse backgrounds and voices.
When navigating differing viewpoints to maintain respect and seek common ground.
When reflecting with fellow Welcomers to support one another.
Conversation starters
Speaking with newcomers
To invite stories of identity and purpose.
- “Tell me about a food that reminds you of home.”
- “What brings you joy or comfort when life feels hard?”
- “What is one hope you carry for your future here?”
Speaking with fellow Welcomers
To learn from each other’s shared experiences.
- “What motivated you to get involved in welcoming work?”
- “What have you learned from a recent conversation with a newcomer?”
- “How do you take care of yourself so you can continue listening with empathy?”
Speaking with those with differing viewpoints
To uncover values and common ground.
- “Can you share what experiences shaped the way you see this issue?”
- “What values feel most important to you in this conversation?”
- “Where do you see potential common ground?”
Resources
Interested in learning more about the practice and impact of deep listening? This toolkit was developed with materials from Emily Kasrie’s book “Deep Listening: Transform Your Relationships with Family, Friends, and Foes,” along with resources from Urban Learning Center, International Listening Association, and Volunteer Match.
